Today, I've begun to realize what I thought was true all along: I'm all alone. Yes, I have people I talk to or people who are my friends, but when it comes down to it, all I have is me, myself, and I. And I have to wonder: Why is this? Do I just make it easy for people to leave me? Am I too needy with my friends? Do I ask for too much? Am I not what they want in a friend? And if none of these, then what could it be? I hate feeling like I have no one to turn to, but if something were to happen how many of them could I truly count on to be there for me? The answer to this I do know: Little to none of them. Many people have left me throughout the years, and I just don't understand why. Do I scream literal doormat for everyone? And let me tell you, feeling alone isn't exactly the greatest feeling of all time. In fact, it's one of the worst. And I believe that if I tried to talk to people about this, I'd get a resounding "Of course I'm here for you" or "You're my best friend, you know that." But I find it hard to swallow when their actions scream everything but that. As a matter of fact, I can barely even speak to my own mother anymore without getting into an argument over something. I don't know what happened there either. I used to be able to tell her things, but now it's as if she doesn't care and/or I don't think I can share what's on my mind with her. So who can I turn to? Right now, the only reasonable answer to that is myself. I guess that's all I can really count on. But, I'm not sure I can handle all of life's many challenges/pressures/etc on my own. Where exactly do I begin?
Spencer
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1 comment:
Im fairly certain every one goes through this. I know it sucks, a lot. I have some issues with my mom that are about the same. I think its when you start to realize you want to live your life and do so without getting told your wrong. Thats how it is for me. I know we're not that close but if you have some problems and you want to talk to someone who is a bit outside of your circle you can talk to me. Its not exactly an "Im here for you whenever" more of a "you have a problem, talk to me, Im a third person perspective."
Now that Ive written a story as a comment...
Amanda Johnson
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